As I woke up this morning and turned my alarm off, I was met with an alarming thought that it has been 20 years since the tragic day where thousands lost their lives, countless lives were changed and the entire world was shifted into a new state of heightened awareness based around fear and anger. The sadness, that I have to believe ensued over the coming days, weeks, months and years was overwhelming for those who were directly affected by the actions of few. The crumbling of the towers sent a ripple effect through time and space. That which we are still feeling today.
September 11th, 2001 I was 15 years young. I woke up like any normal teenager would, annoyed at the world. I got in the shower to wake myself up, but within moments of the water hitting my face, I was shifted into panic by a horrific scream, one that is forever plastered in my memory. My mother was screaming as if she were dying. I quickly turned the water off, jumped out and ran to her. She was staring at the television. Eyes glued at what she was seeing. I looked. A tall building on fire. Mom, what’s going on?! It’s the Twin Towers in New York. A plane just crashed into it. I stood there, now cemented into the floor. Soap covered, dripping water everywhere. “Wait, what?! I’m confused. What’s happening?!”. She replied, “I have no idea!”. As the soapy water dripped on the floor, I became more stuck and unable to move. I had an overwhelming sense of fear with a rush of adrenaline. I should have ran away from the saber-tooth Tiger at this point, but instead that Tiger was in New York and I was only seeing it through a plastic box in my living room. There was nothing I could do.
Standing there feeling helpless, I was consuming and ingesting the images of buildings on fire, planes hitting buildings, people jumping from 100+ stories off the ground, buildings crashing down, people covered in dust and debris. It was too much for my human brain to absorb. My mom turned to me and told me to get ready to go to school. My reaction was that of shock, fear and anger. Are you joking? I can’t go to school. What if something happens here? What if they come for San Francisco? What if?...fill in the blank. My mind went to all options of potential danger within moments. Terrified, I went and got ready for school.
The drive to school was quiet, but the background noise was filled with the radio hosts discussion about the “Act of Terrorism” that just blanketed our country and the world. As I stepped out of the car, the energy at school was quiet, nervous and scared. It seemed as though everyone was in a place of Fight or Flight. Stuck in the adrenaline rush that just took over everyone's bodies earlier that morning. Walking through the halls it was somber. I felt as though I was walking through the halls of a funeral. As the day continued, I learned that an uncle of mine was supposed to be on the United Flight 93 that was bound for San Francisco. That flight took off from Newark and was supposed to come to the West Coast. The brave passengers on board, managed to stop the hijackers and brought the plane down in a field in Pennsylvania. I feel grateful that he was not on the plane, but my heart feels sad and yet inspired by the courage of those brave souls.
The rest of that day has become a blur in my memory. I think about the chaos that was the aftermath of it all. The rise of pride in the United States then the divide in the War On Terror. This is forever the ebb and flow of the way we as humans work. The Vicious Cycles we seem to find ourselves in time after time. The loss of life will never be forgotten. The memories will always be with us. I can only hold onto my continual prayer for myself and the rest of humanity, LOVE. When will we begin to choose LOVE? We have exhausted everything else. We’ve even exhausted it to the point of creating Vicious Cycles within it. Let’s actually begin to learn from all of it! I believe the answer we seek is LOVE over WAR. LOVE thy neighbor as we would LOVE ourselves. Alas, there is the answer...DO WE TRULY LOVE OURSELVES? I have only just felt what it truly feels to LOVE myself. Have you ever felt it?! I mean REALLY felt it?! Our reality is ONLY a projection of our innermost feelings and thoughts of who we are. YOU and I have the ability to change the world, but it starts with us. It’s time to take the deep dive into the uncomfortable. I’m here for you when/if you are ready.
With LOVE and LIGHT,
Tiana