Catalyst into Awakening
Updated: Sep 9, 2021
In June 2018 I was assaulted. Yes, #MeToo. Until now, I felt as though I have had a 6 inch piece of duct tape over my mouth out of fear of feeling the backlash of telling my story. As many of you know, Marin County, let alone the Ross Valley Community is VERY small and everyone knows everyone. The fear of being open, honest and real can sometimes feel as though it comes at a potential cost of PRIDE and VANITY. Losing the “status” that we may THINK we have within the COMMUNITY. However, I have come to find that MY REAL community are those that believe me, have my back and support me no matter what.
June 2018 I found myself having a massage at a studio I once worked at. I felt safe in this studio. After all, this was MY community, or so I thought. During the massage, things transpired that should not have. Although I was fully clothed during the session, I was touched in a way that was not appropriate. I felt empowered in the moment to sit and use the words “What the FUCK do you think you are doing?”. The response, “Well sometimes that just happens.”
To feel threatened physically in a sexual assault way by a man who was twice my size, in a back room that was hidden from anyone being able to hear a scream out of me was beyond terrifying. I felt completely out of my body and was in a primal state that I had NEVER experienced before. I was able to get away from this person. I kept my cool. I was even able to ask him, “How much for that ‘massage’?”. The response, “Uhhhhh, nothing.” He was shocked that I asked, knowing very well what just transpired. IF it were a regular, run of the mill, massage he would have had me pay.
That night I was terrified. I couldn’t sleep. I kept thinking that I was going to be changed forever, and that I was. Little did I know this would be the situation that would launch me into my Dark Night of the Soul Awakening.
I went to the police. Filed a report. It went to the DA. It was his word against mine. Typical.
The community had their whispers. I lost friends. People were saying I made it up. Typical.
I stayed quiet. I laid low. I knew I wasn’t the only one. Two months later the phone rang. There was another woman with the same experience, same place, same person. Then another one called within a week. Same place, same person.
They didn’t come forward out of FEAR of losing community, not being believed, not being heard or seen.
Now here I am. Two and a half years later. This is my story. This is what YOUR PEOPLE go through. When someone says something happened to them, believe them. Even if you feel it may not be true, believe them. Then ask questions later.
I still see this man. The strongest and most courageous thing I have ever done was stopping in my car when I saw him during the holidays and wishing him a Happy Holiday.
I forgive for me. I have compassion for him. I will not forget, but I thank him because I am stronger and more understanding of what people have been through. Now I can be of service to those who need the help.
If you ever need me, I’m here for you.