Where is your child? Your inner child that is.
A few years ago I was asked by a therapist if I had ever taken the journey inside to greet my inner child. I had not, nor did I want to. It was interesting because at that point in my life I was angry. I don’t mean like the occasional road rage. I mean REALLY ANGRY! All the time. I was bothered by everything and everyone. It got to the point where I was finding myself alone a lot. When I gained the courage to ask for help from a therapist, little did I know I was about to take the shortest yet longest journey of my life to meet a little girl that I didn’t even know existed.
It was the end of 2018, after my abortion (read my abortion story here). I was reeling from my experience with that and the choice I made. I was doing everything to heal from that. I researched so many therapists and “healing classes” to help with what I was going through. The only options that I could find were religious groups offering help. Unfortunately the help they were offering was not the type of help I needed. Finally one day I found a therapist who worked with women who had been through abortion, her being one of them as well. She was exactly the type of help I needed. Kind, lovely, compassionate and empathetic.
I remember calling her and realizing I was in for a long road of self healing. She asked me if I knew the difference between compassion and empathy. I had no idea. I realized that I had combined the two and that I was an extreme empath without boundaries. Then I was asked if I had ever taken the journey to visit my inner child? I had no idea what she was talking about. Clearly I had not worked with inner child healing at all. She said ok we are going to do a few sessions together and we will get you there.
After a couple sessions together, she started with, I am going to take you on a mediation journey today. I was ready. Nervous, but ready. She asked me to close my eyes and go back to my childhood home. Within my home we ventured into my childhood room. I opened the door and saw myself playing with my dolls. I was wearing the dress my grandmother made me. I was probably about 5 or 6 years old. I was there playing alone. As I walked closer to my child self, I noticed she was refusing to turn around and look at me. Then as I got closer I could feel her energy was not happy. She was really sad, so sad to the point of anger. I knelt down to hold her shoulder and she quickly turned around. I was completely startled. Her face was that of a demonic figure. I was terrified. I realized that I was not ready to deal with that. I told my therapist I was done. She coached me to come out of the journey.
She then asked me what happened. I told her about the face and the anger. She reassured me that it was ok. It did not mean that I, myself had a demon inside of me. She wanted me to understand that my inner child was very angry. I had left her alone for too long. That anger from my inner child had now come through as anger in my current day-to-day life. She told me that we would work through it together and get my child self to trust me again and within that trust it would allow her to calm her anger down using the power of my LOVE.
During the next session, we dove deep into meditation right off the bat. I went right back to my child self, in my childhood bedroom. There she was, alone and angry. I approached her and asked if I could play with her. She allowed me to, but was still quiet and standoffish. I continued to be with her and play, talk with her, ask her what was going on with her, why was she so angry. She said, I’m angry at YOU! I asked why. She told me she was upset that I left her alone for this long, she felt abandoned. I told her that I am here now and that I will do all that I can to make her feel loved, seen and heard. The trust between her and I began to grow. She slowly transitioned from looking like a demon to looking like me again. As the session with her came to a close, I reminded her that I am not going anywhere. I vowed to visit her more often and to partake in activities that would make her happy and feel loved. She jumped into my arms and gave me the biggest hug!
As I came back into my current reality, I was so happy. It was like the anger that I felt in my body slowly started to melt away. I didn’t realize that there was an aspect of myself that was in so much pain. I felt an abundance of compassion for all aspects of me. I will never forget this interaction and I will never forget to visit her.
To my inner child, you deserve all the love and attention. You are worthy of all the play and affection. You and I will continue to enjoy life together! I LOVE and support you and am forever here.
Read my abortion story HERE
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