How does one know love?
What a beautiful and curious question.
Is it in a kiss, a hug, a life being born, a life ending?
Does one need to embody love to know love?
Do you know love from having love or from the absence of love?
It is my belief that one knows love from the absence of it. To know love is to know a life without love. To know the deepest pains, the darkest places within oneself. That is to know love.
Although I desire and invite all the love into my life, I would also never replace the moments of heartache, anguish, anger, and sadness, as it is deep in those moments that we open a portal to the other side of the pendulum. The darker the cave, the brighter the light. It's a never ending time warp of going deep within to journey towards the light that is life.
It is said the universe resides within each of us. What if the deeper we dwell and are curious, the more clear and simple everything becomes. This life is not a puzzle to be figured out, as I am the box that holds the pieces, and the pieces are my experiences. It doesn't matter how hard we try to figure it out. It is its own masterpiece and will be regardless of whether we put the pieces together or not. It will always be there, like the picture on the front of the box. Life is already planned. The pieces are just the extra treasure hunt that we can enjoy to see and partake in with loved ones. We enjoy those times when we have them. We are sad and reminisce when we don't.
It is in the absence of that time together we find ourselves. We find love.
The moments of missing. Of asking how would I have done it differently. In doing better the next time. In knowing the deep pain that has happened.
Continue to be curious about the pain, but don't wallow in it. When we step into the dark pain, remember that on the other side of the pendulum swing, love is growing and deepening. Everything you could ever desire is there. In the absence of love.
Written by: Tiana Baumsteiger